Ashes Essay Response

Phoebe Donovan 808

Ashes Essay Ms. Cunningham

October 21, 2014                                           

Ashes

We all desire the warmth of feeling special and loved, especially from our parents, but at what point is our desire no longer a playful hope, and turns to a conflicting negotiation? Ashley, or Ashes as her father calls her, is the teenage protagonist in the short story “Ashes”, by Susan Beth Pfeffer. She is stuck between wanting to believe in her dad’s love for her and knowing deep down inside her self that she is being manipulated. Through the story, Ashes must decide whether to “borrow” her mother’s money, or to find her self in a spot where her integrity stops her from doing what she realizes is wrong. In the end she is forced to question the reliability of her own father who she begins to see as someone who is broken, and flawed. It is through this difficult realization that Ashes begins to understand that relationship complications and love play a large role in the decisions that we make, which shape our lives.

Figuring out the truth of her relationship with her dad and trying to feel secure in her relationship with her mom is at the center of Ashes world.   Her dad makes her feel wanted and loved, but then in the end uses that to his advantage to convince Ashes that she should  “borrow” money from her mother.  During their time together, her father talks about being a dreamer, while throwing a small negative detail about her mother and how she does not encourage Ashes like he does. He says, “They’ll try to tear you down. They’ll laugh at your dreams. Even your mother—and she’s a saint to have put up with me all those years—even she will discourage you from being all you can be. I hate to speak against her, but she’s not a dreamer, Ashes.” This shows that her father wants her to be all that she can be, but at the same time he is convincing her that her mother is not a type of person to support what she wants for herself. Additionally, as another compliment, her father brings up modeling. He tells her how beautiful she is and that she should take interest in modeling. This is another example of his “sweet manipulation’ for her. This makes Ashes feel in emotional debt to her father, and feel that she owes him something, for the way he makes her feel like she is a large part of not only his life but the world in general.   

This feeling of being in debt to her father becomes a reality when towards the end of the story he brings up money. At the large conflict point of the story in the café, he mentions that he needs the money from her mother, and that he wants her to retrieve it. At this point, Ashes begins to question her trust, and confidence in him as a cleaned up and stable person. This is a painful moment for Ashes because she knows he is struggling and wants to help him find that happy place around the corner. However, she must deal with a pull of guilt and what will be best for her father, and at the same time is protective of her mother and herself. This brings stability into the story because she begins to realize that her mother’s stability is something she might start valuing more than her father’s talk about dreams.

By the end of the story Ashes begins to see her father in a new light as she thinks of all his broken promises to her.  She says, “ He never quite followed through with that, just like every other promise he made.” This shows how he’s very irresponsible and he cannot keep a promise he makes, no matter the size or the importance of it. This re-enters her conscience as she realizes the fantasies, because with them she is pulled into this web of promises and secrets, which have been proved to her to never be kept by her father.

Through Ashes’ upsetting but reflective story, the writer shows us the painful confusion of how the trust and love we desire from our parents may be used against us because of their own flaws. This contributes to the overall concepts and complexities of relationships and how sometimes we feel we owe it to someone for making us feel wanted and special. As we use these complexities to shape our lives, many also have trouble drawing a line between the costs it will take to go through with a decision that your gut feeling may argue, or agree with. Everybody wants to be valued and wants to feel like they've done good, which makes some decisions we make tougher than others because they involve the conflict between knowing the truth of a situation that may hurt us, and helping those who are very large in our lives.